I have just gone and tied up three stupid-looking flies. They are simple variations of the mop flies that seem to be the rage at the moment but, when I look at the things, what comes to mind is the rather strange hairdo of Homer Simpson´s wife Marge. If I were to give a name to this fly, which I won´t on account of their being nothing much original about it, I might go with “Mrs Simpson´s Special.”

To be honest, I had been a little reluctant to tie up a mop fly, thinking that I had some vestige of dignity left and regarding the mop fly as an affront to all things decent but the turgor seems to be waning from my stiff upper lip and so I decided to give it a go. I think a lot of us are a bit put off by the fact that we have no idea what a mop fly is supposed to represent. “Nothing” is probably the correct answer and, of course, that is a little disconcerting to those of us who like to pretend that we are wily imitators of the little critters that fish dine on.

I did do one mildly original thing in the tying of my version of the fly but this was done out of necessity. I don´t have dumbbell eyes (I´m referring to my fly tying materials here rather than my personal appearance) and so I improvised these eyes from a couple of copper beads joined by a short length of wire and then whipped along the hook shank. The eyes are just another stupid-looking feature of a rather stupid-looking fly and so it all fits together nicely.

Tomorrow morning I´m going to walk the margins of El Chorro on the lookout for some dumb carp and then carry out my cunning plan, which is probably as likely to succeed as any of Baldrick´s. Here it is:

First, find a carp feeding in the shallows.

Second, cast the “Simpson´s Special” beyond the fish in order not to spook it.

Third, draw the fly along the surface before allowing it to sink in front of the fish´s snout.

Fourth, pray.

Of course I realise that I may find no fish and so not get a chance to see how “Mrs Simpson” performs under battle conditions, but that is just the way life is: nothing ventured nothing gained.

I´ll let you know how I get on.

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These are not going to win any beauty contest but hopefully there´s a dumb carp out there that might just take a fancy to one.

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I bet it was the hairdo that attracted Homer.