One of the dafter ideas I have had in recent times is to propose a staff show to raise funds for the Red Cross. I had rather naively thought that we might get a few volunteers to come up with some acts but it seems that volunteers are thin on the ground. Nevertheless we soldiered on and put something together. My friend Dave Cale took on the music and the staff band was awesome. Apart from music the rest of the show consisted of me doing some standup.

This is not the first time I have had a crack at standup but the scarcity of other acts meant I had to do quite a lot of it – over an hour!

Thankfully it seemed to go OK and people had a good night.

For the hell of it I have included a short extract from the comedy script. The following lines are part of a dialogue between me and the priest that takes place in the confession box. I had just admitted to all kinds of inappropriate sexual fantasies involving the women in the parish.

Priest: your penance is to say 412 Our Fathers

Me: Cheers Father. I´d best be on my way then.

Priest: Not so fast, Son.

Me: Why? What´s the problem! You´ve given me my penance – 412 Our Fathers. Ok. I´ve got it.

Priest: But there are Hail Mary´s too.

Me: What? More?

Priest: Yes

Me: How many then?

Priest: 4321

Me: Arghhh! FOR FUCK SAKE!!!!!


Priest: Let´s make that 4322!

How many Hail Mary´s then?

How many Hail Mary´s then?